And here we go again?

I went to the surgeon for my checkup appointment today since it has been six days since the surgery. I thought the stitches were to come out today, but he said nope not time yet. So now I have to miss some work next Tuesday to go back to get the stitches out. That's okay I guess. But then they tried to schedule me for August 19th to do the other knee. Now I'm concerned, very concerned. Last week I went in for a total knee replacement and got a scope repair. This time I am going in for a scope repair and afraid it will turn into a total knee. So I don't know what to do now. I want to do it before I hurt the first one again, but I don't want to do it till the first one heals some more. I also don't want to wait and run into ice and snow and slipping and sliding with my walker if he does the total knee. So what do I do? Come on, God, you know you are control on this one. You know you will change my plans as needed. So please, God, just help me make the right plans to start with. Thanks. Will you all pray for me too?

And still more changed plans!

Well, sometimes I have no idea why things happen the way they do. I know I was surrounded by prayer, so I must accept that God's will was done. Right? But why and how and now what? As you read yesterday I was to have a scope and probable total knee replacement. Up at 4AM, drove through horrible fog to get to the hospital 45 miles away by 5:30 AM. Stuck and dug 3 times by lab to get more blood samples, started an IV, etc. Into surgery at 7AM. Woke up in the recovery room and was told nope you didn't have a total knee. I went back to sleep, woke up again and asked, did I really not get a new knee? Nope, you didn't get a new knee. I was home by 1PM. I never saw the surgeon before or after, but he told my family that yes I have arthritis and yes I need a new knee, but he decided to wait and do it another time when it is worse and try just fixing the cartilage and meniscus this time instead. I wasn't given an ice pack or crutches, just a can of Sprite, a piece of toast and a pain pill and sent home and told to see him in a week. I'm not to get my incisions wet for a week and to keep it elevated as much as possible and do my exercises and take pain pills. That is all. I am so confused. If it needs replaced, then why didn't he do it? Why am I in worse pain now than I was before I had the surgery? When will he do the other one? What will he do to it? Why did I go through 3 weeks of pre-op preparation and all the hassles; 2 trips to the medical doctor, 1 to the dentist, 1 to the eye doctor, 1 to the orthopedics doc, 3 hours prep at the hospital and have to come up with a living will and power of attorney and all the blood tests and ekg and xrays and so on for nothing and so I can just hurt worse than before? I am so discouraged and depressed and frustrated. But yet I am not the one in control. I know that and I accept that. I have to accept that.

Right now in Bible study we are doing a study by John Ortberg from his book, "When the Game Is Over, It All Goes Back in the Box". Our chapter this past week was that we are not the Master of the Board. He is. He is in control. I know He is. But it is so very hard to not try to be in control. I want answers. I want to know the plans ahead of time. I want to see the game rules. I like to take care of others. I don't like to be the one needing taken care of. I don't like feeling helpless. It hurts to get in and out of bed. It hurts to go to the bathroom. Please pray for me to quit hurting so much. Please pray for healing. Please pray that I will give up and give in and let Him be the master of the board, even if I don't understand. Thanks.

Changed Plans

Somebody told me the other day that we make plans and God laughs. I don't know if that is true, but I know His plans for us are not necessarily our plans for us. His plans are the right ones though I am sure. I had planned to get a lot of stuff accomplished this summer while I am off work from school. This particular week I was going to take my daughter and go to Colorado to see my stepson and my aunt and my daughter's college friend and some of my cousins. We had our itinerary planned. We were going to spend some time in the Denver and Ft. Collins and then Colorado Springs areas. But my knee which has bothered me for years got a lot worse this spring and even worse this summer. When I was using a cane and not sleeping at night, I went to the family doctor who sent me to an orthopedics doctor who scheduled me for knee surgery this week. There went my trip to Colorado. But the funny thing is my stepson is in California, my aunt doesn't feel up to having company, the college friend is also not in Colorado, and my daughter who was going with me, got a job and started to work yesterday. So much for my plans. Once again God has proven that He is in control. I am to be at the hospital at 5:30AM tomorrow and to have surgery at 7. The doctor is going in with a scope first and if it looks as bad on scope as it did on xray he will go ahead and do a total knee replacement while I am still under. If he fixes it with the scope, I will be home tomorrow night. If I have a total knee replacement, which he told me to plan on, I will be in the hospital 3-5 days, probably until Sunday or Monday. I will then walk with a walker for 4 weeks and do daily therapy and not drive for weeks. I don't know what will happen when it is time for me to go back to work at school. I will cross that bridge when I come to it. In the meantime, I am just looking forward to having it over and hopefully less pain. I will also have to have the other knee replaced at some point and don't know how soon. The surgeon said the right one looks worse on xray but since the left one hurts worse, we will do it first. So if the operating crew gets mixed up and do the wrong knee, so be it, they both need it. Please keep me in your prayers and I will update you when I am home again. Thanks, Linda